Today I experienced one of the 5 most painful afflictions

Let's see... there are 5 major afflictions that mankind has determined to be the most painful. There's heartbreak, losing to a girl, getting kicked in the shins, getting hit in the beans, and chafing. Today I decided to wake up an hour earlier than normal (also one of the worst afflictions) and to take my dog for a run. I'm trying to do something about the spare tire around my waist, so running seemed like a great idea.

Everything would have gone great, but I made one grave error in my preparation. I decided to put on a pare of undies that had been around since I played football in high school (I graduated in 1999). Sure, it sounds gross to have a 7 year old pair of underoos around, but I only wear them for working out (specific underpants, not underwear in general). So, I figure that even though they were sporting some holes and loss of elasticity, they'd be fine for at least a few more times around the block...I was dead wrong. Almost immediately the friction began. I thought that it would work itself out but a mile down the road the dreaded chafe crept up on me. What was I supposed to do now? I was pretty far from home, so I couldn't do anything but walk back like a saddle-sore cowboy.

Now I'm sitting here at work wondering why I made such a foolish decision; and each time a I shift in my chair or get up to do something that firey burn reminds me of the humbling power of the almighty chafe. Kids, do be careful with your under clothing, it's more important than you may think.

For the interested:

Chafe: ( P ) Pronunciation Key (chf)
v. chafed, chaf·ing, chafes
v. tr.

1. To wear away or irritate by rubbing.
2. To annoy; vex.
3. To warm by rubbing, as with the hands.


v. intr.

1. To rub and cause irritation or friction: The high collar chafed against my neck.
2. To become worn or sore from rubbing.
3. To feel irritated or impatient: chafed at the delay.


n.

1. Warmth, wear, or soreness produced by friction.
2. Annoyance; vexation.